Back to the real world

You may have hundreds of friends on Facebook, but with how many do you really share the bond of friendship? In my previous column on April 8, we tried to understand why addiction to social media can leave us feeling lonely. To recap, social media can cause pressure to lead an ‘Instagrammable’ lifestyle, can take you away from loved ones if you’re obsessed with your phone, and become the major cause of your unhappiness if you don’t get the amount of online attention by others. While one might dismiss this as a ‘phase that will pass’, social media loneliness is a big deal, and can lead to bigger problems if gone unchecked. 

The first step is to acknowledge that you have a problem, only then can you work towards fixing it. 

How to cope with Social Loneliness?
We all feel lonely at times, but the good news is that this isn’t a permanent feeling. Here are some easy yet effective ways to cope with social media loneliness:

• Acceptance: It is absolutely essential to introspect and then accept that we are going through loneliness and need to do something about it. This should be a priority. The more we keep denying or avoiding the problem, the more we will delay getting rid of it. So, be honest and help yourself.
• Willingness to share: We are social animals and thus our emotional wellness is very closely associated with the people around us, especially our loved ones. Remember that these people are special to you for a reason, so there shouldn’t be any room for hesitation between you and them. Once you accept that you are going through isolation, take a small step forward, connect and share with people you feel comfortable with (family member, travel mate, work mate etc).
• Sharing shouldn’t be over social media: Make sure you make an effort to let that special person know you need to talk to him/her and meet at the earliest at a peaceful place. Catching up just for a movie won’t be of much help here. Also, simply a WhatsApp chat won’t help either. Meet, share and vent out face to face.
• Find someone in a similar situation: When you are experiencing one particular emotion to an extreme, it is easier to look around and identify who is going through the same. Once identified, try to communicate with that person and let them know how you feel about it. Be a listening ear for that person as well. Be assured that this sharing will be confidential so that the bond keeps growing offline. After all, this is helpful for both of you. 
• Spend phone-less hour everyday: Let’s take small steps. Plan and spend one ‘phone-less’ hour daily, and instead do something that connects you with like-minded people or do something that makes you happy. You can join a singing class or a gym, whatever lets you destress and connects you with people who have similar interests. 
• Maintain two-day notes: In order to make things even more transparent for yourself, keep a small note with a total of how many times you tap and check the social media apps, and the approximate duration of time you spend on it. This will help you realise how much attention, time and energy you waste on a task which is repetitive and unproductive.
• Limit the notifications: It is an important step towards controlling and coping with the social media addiction. Make sure that constant notifications don’t keep popping up on your phone’s main screen to distract you from your current activity. Imagine you are enjoying lunchtime with your workmate discussing something interesting and a notification pops up making you suddenly shift all your attention to the phone while abruptly leaving a real-life conversation. This is rude behaviour.
• Differentiate between the virtual and real world: Once you get too comfortable in the virtual world of social media, you’re real life relationships start to suffer. Get a grip of what’s more important to you before you realise that it’s too late. 
• Seek professional help: It is okay if you’re not okay. If you’re not comfortable with sharing your problems with a friend or relative, seek the help of a certified counselor or psychologist. They will only speed up resolving your issues with their expertise in the field. 
• Remain a social animal: Remember, we human being are social animals, not social media animals!

(The writer is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Woman TV)