Written By - Sumita Sarkkar
You need to remember the past, to act in the present for a better future. My thoughts may seem revolutionary to what we have been taught until now. But I feel we need to unlearn and relearn certain things that have been deeply ingrained in us. It is time to reconsider some stereotypical thinking.
There is a curious contradiction in the way we approach our past. We are constantly advised to forget it, move on and look ahead, as though remembering were somehow an impediment to living.
Yet, much of what gives life its richness is rooted in memory. The people we have loved, the experiences that have shaped us, the triumphs that once seemed extraordinary and even the disappointments that altered our course are all part of the narrative that makes us who we are.
Perhaps it is time to reconsider the rather casual advice to forget the past. I have always begged to differ in this aspect. Remember the good past and cherish them, but also remember the bitter ones – not to sulk but to learn the lessons that it taught us and to prevent similar mistakes in the future.
A happy memory is not an indulgence in nostalgia. It is an acknowledgement of life's generosity. There is something deeply reassuring about recalling a time when laughter came easily, when friendships were uncomplicated, when a particular achievement filled us with pride, or when the presence of someone made an otherwise ordinary day memorable.
Such recollections need not make us prisoners of yesterday. On the contrary, they can remind us of the many reasons we have to be grateful.
We often underestimate the value of looking back with affection. In a world that places an almost unreasonable premium on what is new, next and yet to be achieved, we sometimes forget to honour what has already enriched us. Not every beautiful chapter needs to be repeated to remain precious. Some moments are meant to be lived once, remembered often and cherished quietly.
The more complicated question, however, is what we should do with the unpleasant memories — the failures, betrayals, wrong decisions, lost opportunities and relationships that left us diminished.
Here, too, I believe forgetting is not necessarily the answer. There is a difference between carrying a memory and carrying its emotional burden. One is an act of awareness; the other can become an exercise in self-inflicted suffering.
Our mistakes deserve to be remembered, not as evidence of our inadequacy, but as reminders of what experience has taught us. A wrong decision can sharpen judgement. A misplaced trust can teach discernment. A professional setback can reveal capabilities we had not previously recognised.
Even a painful relationship can leave behind an understanding of self-respect and personal boundaries that no amount of well-intentioned advice could have imparted.
The tragedy is not that we have made mistakes or encountered difficult people. It is that we sometimes allow those experiences to occupy far more space in our present than they deserve.
There is little merit in repeatedly revisiting an old wound, rehearsing conversations that can no longer be had, or constructing alternative endings to situations that are beyond our control.
Reflection has value; rumination rarely does. The former helps us understand and grow. The latter keeps us emotionally tethered to circumstances that have already passed. Maturity lies in recognising the distinction.
We do not have to pretend that something did not hurt in order to demonstrate that we have moved beyond it. Nor do we need to erase someone from our memory to reclaim our peace. We can remember without resenting, acknowledge without regretting endlessly, and forgive without necessarily restoring a relationship. Above all, we can retain the lesson without perpetuating the pain.
This calls for a more considered relationship with time. The past should neither be idealised nor condemned wholesale. It was a combination of choices, circumstances, people and possibilities, many of which were beyond our control. We acted with the understanding we possessed at the time. We may know better today, but that does not make our former selves deserving of perpetual criticism.
There is also a certain grace in accepting that not everything in life will have a satisfactory explanation or a neatly resolved ending. Some people leave. Some opportunities do not return. Some efforts remain unrewarded. The ability to accept these realities, without allowing them to diminish our enthusiasm for life, is a quiet but significant form of strength.
The real art of living is not to forget the past, but to put it in its rightful place. Let the good memories remain a source of warmth, not an excuse to believe that the best of life is behind us. Let the difficult ones remain a source of wisdom, not a reason to approach the future with suspicion or fear.
We owe our past gratitude for the happiness it gave us and respect for the lessons it left behind. The past is a story that has already been written. We cannot edit its pages, but we can decide what we take from them. That is a far wiser way of moving forward than simply trying to forget.
(The author is a seasoned journalist, life coach, into alternate healing therapies, nutritionist, fitness and adventure sports enthusiast, and long-distance runner)
