Before you start reading, I must mention that I am not a doctor, but I have survived depression, and have helped others during theirs. This is based mostly on mine and their experiences, and some basic research. If you need something more detailed, please talk to someone with a degree and experience.
This is written entirely from the viewpoint of a former patient and someone who has had some experience in helping out friends and strangers.
It is extremely essential to know what depression is. You may be up against it, or if you can read the symptoms, you may end up pulling someone out of it.
I often hear “nobody understands that I am depressed”. This is one of the biggest issues with depression: people do not understand. Thanks to the English language, people tend to confuse between sadness and depression.
SADNESS is a state of mind, just like joy or anger. It goes away with time.
DEPRESSION is a disease. Just like malaria or typhoid. It needs to be and can be, cured.
In other words, they are different.
A lot of people often assume that depression happens to
(a) ones with lack of responsibilities (you can afford all this because you do not have anything to do), or
(b) the privileged (“you never had to struggle; you have everything you want; what do you mean, you are depressed?”), or
(c) the escapist (“you are simply refusing to do what you need to do”)
If you think depression is caused by one or more of the above, ask yourself: would you have said the same if someone suffered from jaundice?
Now that the definition is sorted out, let us proceed. While depression is not sadness, it involves sadness, which once again messes up with the definitions.
However, this is a different kind of sadness, one that (a) recurs without any conceivable reason, (b) corrodes your inner self, and (c) makes you feel worthless and empty.
There are other symptoms too, though one or more of these may not happen:
- Overeating or undereating. Some of us are heavy eaters, but are we eating too much by even those standards? Similarly, have we lost appetite completely?
- Sleep issues. We may not get enough sleep or may oversleep, even at random hours.
- Reluctance to get out of bed. Getting to work seems like an incredible effort.
- Lack of interest, even in activities we love doing otherwise.
- Reduced concentration span.
- We feel nobody understands us, and yet we cannot help trying to reach out. When they do not entertain you (the reason may or may not be perfectly valid), we feel they are being mean.
- Excessive fatigue and/or body aches for no reason.
- A sudden realisation that it does not matter if your life ends. This can be of three types: (a) Suicidal thoughts, (b) Not quite a suicidal tendency, but constant thoughts of death, and that you have no problem with dying right now (c) A realisation that the world can do without you.
The idea is to act long before the last stage comes. However, even if the last stage arrives, it is not too late.
***
I had lost my appetite; my sleep was reduced to three hours a night; I lost interest in everything; I kept thinking about death all the time, and I could not get out of bed for one full day. Once the last one happened, I looked up psychiatrists on the internet and booked an appointment the morning after.
HOW TO RESOLVE THIS?
1. Consult a psychiatrist at the earliest. Do not push it back till it is too late. Nobody will laugh at you, or think you are mad. If they do, shut them out of your life, at least temporarily. They can wait. At this point, you matter more than them.
2. Talk to people. Four out of five will not understand, but the fifth will. Those suffering from depression have one huge thing in common: they empathise and often unite to help each other out. Reach out.
2a (Corollary to 2). Talk more to people who listen attentively; try to avoid people who suggest solutions after every line. Despite their intent, they do not know. The listeners do.
3. Antidepressants are not bad and are often not addictive. In fact, they are often the only way out.
4. If you are under treatment, do not switch off instantly even if it does not seem to work. Always let the dosage peter out. Reduce the intake quantity before bringing it to zero; otherwise, you may be back to square one, even develop suicidal tendencies.
5. Get started on some physical activity. I know it is difficult since dragging yourself out of bed is a challenge in the first place. Start with walking, even if for fifteen minutes, if not then five minutes. But make the effort of stepping out. The first day will be very difficult, but it will eventually become a habit.
6. Do not, I repeat, do not, do not give in to alcohol or drugs.
7. Do not feel embarrassed. You have no idea how many people are suffering from depression as I write this. According to a WHO report in 2015, depression was likely to become the second-most common disease by 2020. Why hide when you are in the company?
8. If you have a hobby, try to promote it. Push them shamelessly on social media. Validation helps.
9. Do not try to act cool by concealing, behind the laughter, what you are going through. It does not work in the long run. Remember, some of the greatest comedians have taken their lives. In the most recent case, it’s Sushant Singh Rajput, a successful Bollywood star, whom many would think had everything on this feet.
10. DO NOT miss your psychiatrist’s appointment. If possible, stay in touch with them throughout the process. This may take time, but do not give up. Please.
It will take time for things to improve, but you should be able to see changes And if you think you have conquered the demon, join the fray. Help others. It is a battle best fought united.
(Abhishek Mukherjee is a depression survivor. He is a noted cricket historian, analyst and the former editor-in-chief, CricketCountry.com)
