I am 32 years old and I am worried that I will be single forever. I am fairly attractive; convent educated and working at a mid-management level in a reputed company. I am looking for someone who is reasonably attractive, is comfortably off, well-educated, honest and kind, and has a good sense of humour. I would like to be married to someone who will always treasure me. I have met several prospective grooms, but they really were not what I was looking for. Marriage is a very big step, and I would like everything to be perfect.
Looks like it’s time for some introspection. It is important to keep in mind that sometimes the perceptions or impressions that we have about ourselves do not match the world view about us. Reality bites... and hard. Is it that the ‘right’ kind of man is not attracted to you, rather than the other way round?
Your long list sounds more like a Mills & Boon character. He must be well-off, nice and naughty at the same time, love you unconditionally, intelligent and witty, ‘kind and honest’ with you, is your best friend, and of course attractive. And the list goes on...
Let us first become the person with all the qualities that we look for in potential partners. And become the object of other’s affections. Then we just have to pick and choose.
Unfortunately, our conditioning is such that we often ignore the nice guy who is also probably a wonderful friend, and get attracted to a ‘cool and carefree’ guy.
Do not shortchange yourself, but be real. Focus on things that interest you, participate in social events where you can partake in such activities. You are more likely to meet someone who shares common interests with you there. Make an effort to befriend some of these people, and who knows, magic may just happen!
Also consider that there is a distinct possibility that you friend-zoned someone, in the fear of ‘losing’ a good friend, or because you have commitment issues. Think deeply about this, and address the issue — you might find a friend who has patiently listened to all your ‘husband- hunting woes’, but is actually willing to be much more than just a buddy.
Do not set unrealistic standards for physical attractiveness and material possessions. Look for someone who will match about 70 per cent of your list. The rest will be a lifelong work in progress. Happy Hunting!
(The writer is an image consultant and corporate trainer. If you have queries for him, send them to features@sakaaltimes.com)
